If I Can't Feel It, I Can't Use It

"If I Can't Feel It, I Can't Use It."

"If I Can't Feel It, I Can't Understand It."

"If I Can't Feel It, I Can't Believe It."

I Have Always Felt The Irresistible Need To Be Different From Others

"I have always felt that it was absolutely essential that I do things my way, that I think in my own way, and that 'my own way' be radically different from the way other people think and act."

"It has always been very clear to me that the way our society is, the way our species is, is a direct result of the way we are collectively thinking and acting : in short , like a neurotic , fearful , competitive out of fear and collective insanity, savage, child-race."

"...I could never fit in as a child, I didn't really want to fit in. I didn't like what I saw or felt, so I didn't want to participate...except that part of me did...I felt, still feel, lost...who doesn't?"

"Still. ultimately it is of absolute importance for myself, and for the world, that I don't think or act like anybody else."

"Our current way of thinking, hyper-aggressive and callous competition , will put an end to our species and take most of the innocent plants and animals with us."

"I have always felt the irresistible need to be different. I'd say my future and the future of humanity depends on it."

No One Accepted Me For Who I Am...So I Will Find My Own Unique Path

"No one has ever truly accepted me for who I really am."
"That is why I am Hell bent on finding my own unique path in life."
"Nobody ever accepted me for who I really am...fine. I'll find my own way."

- My Mother is wonderful and I am truly blessed to have her as Mother. I am very proud of her and grateful for all the love and kindness she has shown me over my life.
- ...but I still feel lost and alone.

It Is Possible The Whole World Is Wrong

"It Is Possible That The Whole World Is Wrong , And You Are The Only One Who Is Right."

"I think and feel from a place inside which tells me the way the whole world is is wrong."
"That is why I must act from my own place."

I Do Not Live In This World, I Merely Tolerate It

"I Do Not Live In This World, I Merely Tolerate It."

"I Live In A Better World, A Nobler World, In My Mind And In My Heart."

"I Observe This World, Imagining How To Save It, Gathering My Energy For The Day When I Am Ready To Push For Its Greatening."

For Me To Make True Connections With People, I Must Be Living A Life I Love

Something that really hits home as I'm working on my farewell project for my former white spot co-workers is how very little I actually knew any of them.

What is my take home message for this?

"For Me To Truly Connect With People, I Must Be Living A Life Which I Am Loving."

"For Me To Make True Bonds With People, I Must Be Doing A Job/Something Which Fills Me With Energy, Purpose, Inspiration. Otherwise, I Have No Desire, Nor Energy To Make Connections With People."

Do I Want To Make Connections With Others?

Oh yes, but not empty ones based on superficial, or meaningless things.
Connections which are powerful.
And the only way to do that, is to be living a powerful life.

I Must Work In A Job Which Gives Me Energy

"I Cannot Work In A Job Which Takes My Energy Away;
I MUST Work In A Job Which Gives Me Energy.
Without Energy I Do Not Have Fuel To Enact My Ideas To Fix The World.
I MUST Work In A Job Which Gives Me Energy.
My Future And The Future Of The World Depends On It."

"I Need To Find People Who Are Like Me :
Teaching People,
Mentoring People,
People Who Love To Share What They Know Gladly And Openly.
Such People Energize Me.
Such People Will Teach Me The Skills I Need To Be Able To Support Myself."

I have never felt like I really fit in, in our society.
Real life was boring and pointless.
In fantasy and fiction was there experiences worth living for.
I just barely tolerated living in the real world until I could enter the world of adventure and wonder found in tv and video games once more.

But...I think there is a way...

"Your Mind Controls Your Reality." This is a Bene Gesserit teaching.

At the moment I need fantasy to keep me unreal, because I don't want to be part of this world's reality.

I once thought that I had to "get my head out of the clouds" and be part of the real world.
There was a time for fun, and a time for work.
A time for feeling good in a world of fantasy and adventure, and then being part of the real world of pointless pursuit of personal wealth and profit.

Maybe I can still channel those feelings and not have to watch hours of tv to have them.
Maybe I can duplicate them in my mind.
The feeling of wonder and possibility.

I don't want to be part of this world.
I want to be part of a world of excitement and adventure.

So I won't lose my wonder-skills , but still get the time and access to higher thought processes I need to fix the world , I can give myself the feeling of wonder when I need it by using the memory of that feeling to create it in my mind at will.

Why?
I'm 31.
I keep dying without having lived yet.
I have a world to fix.
I need more time and sleep and quicker thinking to do it.

----

"I define who I am by a sense of wonder and the conviction that a life of adventure is what is worth living for."

Being a disciplined worker doesn't feel like that.

Words I Live By : Everyone Deserves A Great Life

"If I Deserve To Have A Great Life,
Everyone Deserves To Have A Great Life." - David Julio Wang

"If I Deserve To Do Everything I Can To Give Myself A Great Life, I Take On The Responsibility Of Doing Everything I Can To Give Everyone A Great Life." - David Julio Wang

The Day Society No Longer Needed The Forgetfulness Of Movies And Other Fantasies

"They don' t have movies where you come from, do
they ? "
" We had something similar a few hundred years
ago , but they lost their appeal when people
discovered their real lives were more interesting . "
- Crewman Elizabeth Cutler and Phlox

Holding Myself Back

Question : Who is holding me back?
Answer : I am.

"I am purposefully holding myself back, not tapping into my true potential."

Why?

"Because this world is based on aggressive , empty , and draining competition."

"I don't to throw daisies to swine, or pour water on the sand."

"Accessing my potential and having no healthy channel for it, is a waste of my time and my life force."

"I am already marked by the ugliness of hollow eyes from being hungry and scouring my soul for a reason to live."
"Beauty is essential to me, and having lost some of mine to a world not dedicated to teaching me how to preserve it, makes me unwanting of sharing my true potential with a world of swine."

If My Life Does Not Feel Charged Full Of Purpose, Then My Life Feels Like A Useless, Empty Thing

"If My Life Does Not Feel Charged Full Of Purpose, Then My Life Feels Like A Useless, Empty Thing ."

Being honest about being miserable , gives me the freedom to find ways to be happy

"Being honest about being miserable ,
gives me the freedom to find ways to be happy ." - David Julio Wang